He will always keep coming back
by BBCkilledthejoy
Summary: So this story is based on s07e17 because I have a lot of feelings about it. Cas is in a mental hospital and he doesn't react at anything, he's like an empty shell. Please leave your reviews it's very important to me.
1. Chapter 1

Dean silently watches Cas sitting on the bed in the asylum pajamas, murmuring something only he can understand. It is a part of Dean's routine now – just sitting and watching without saying a word. He comes as soon as visiting hours begin and only leaves when they end. Sam always asks why Dean keeps torturing himself if he knows that there's nothing he can do. Dean doesn't reply because Sam would never understand. He would never understand why Dean feels guilty. Why he can't move one, why he can't leave Cas all alone. He keeps replaying the words Castiel said to him:

"_I will find a way to redeem myself to you"_ He did, he did even more and Dean feels pathetic because he can't do a thing to help Castiel - the only thing that's left is watching from afar as he can't approach him. He doesn't recognize people – everyone looks like Lucifer to him. Whenever Dean tried to touch Cas' shoulder or gently grip his arm he started screaming, scratching and the doctors wouldn't allow Dean to come back at least for a week. That week would feel like a year. Dean wants to go right at him and hug him, and snap him right out of that numb condition. But he knows it's impossible and that makes his suffering even worse. He wishes there were some voodoo priest that could lay some spells and bring his angel back on the rails. But he knows there isn't. He searched everywhere, he didn't let even the tiniest detail to slip unnoticed. He found nothing.

He asks the nurse if there is any improvement even though he already knows the answer. _"No."_ the answer is always no - he did not eat, he did not react, he did not show any emotion. It's like he's a shell. Dean knows that Castiel is somewhere in there locked by Lucifer who mocks him teases him and says all those awful things. It was almost past visiting hours when Dean hears Castiel saying something he can understand. Dean can hear what he is saying clearly:

"_You were right. Dean never came back for me."_ He keeps repeating those words over and over again. It hurts more than being shot or beaten up. Something in his chest tightens, everything becomes blurry – those words spin in his head crashing to the sides of his brain. Castiel thinks Dean abandoned him, left him here to suffer alone. He wants to shake Cas and say

"_I'm here I was sitting by your bed the whole time waiting for you to react to respond to recognize me!"_, but he knows he can't. He knows there's no point - Cas won't hear him. Dean stands up casts the last glance and walks away. He will come back tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. He knows it will be the same: Cas won't even notice him the doctors will say that there's no improvement, no hope, but Dean will keep coming back. Not because he has faith or believes in miracles, but because this is **his** way to redeem himself to Castiel.


	2. Chapter 2

720 hours and 22 minutes since he took over Lucifer from Sam, and stayed here.

680 hours and 31 minute since he last saw Dean, well at least since the last time he was sure it was Dean and not some stupid projection made by Lucifer to torture him.

The time passes and Castiel can feel that he loses himself a bit more with every minute. His mind isn't clear anymore. At first, he could tell the difference between hallucination and reality, but now everything's the same. He closes his eyes so not to see the Lucifer sitting in his favorite spot – at the back of his bed, it doesn't stop him from talking though.

"_Hey, little brother, where is your precious hunter now? He left you didn't he? He used you again and moved on with his life. He's probably banging some stripper in a cheap motel room while you, little fallen angel, sit here with me all alone, with your heart extended towards Dean."_

Castiel covers his ears so not to hear what Lucifer is saying.

"_Dean will come back. He loves me, at least as a friend, he would never leave me"_ he keeps repeating these words in Enochian everyday but with each passing minute he believes it less and less. What if Dean really left him, if he really moved on, if he is never coming back?

"_You are so cute when you try to be optimistic, Casie." _Lucifer mocks him. Castiel tries his best not to respond, not to react at what the devil is saying, he tries not to give in, because then the torture would become even more unbearable. He won't give him the pleasure.

"_Oh come on brother, you have been ignoring me for days, I'm bored. Let's talk about your crush, shall we?"_ Lucifer gives him a grin and Castiel freezes, his hands start shaking.

"_Ups. Did I touch a delicate subject? I'm so sorry, I though Dean knew about your feelings. Well I'm sure he does, he just don't give a crap. You are just another angel to him, Casie. Another strong soldier, to fight his battles, just a whipping-boy when something goes wrong" _ Cas can't take it anymore he tries to jump on Lucifer and wipe that confident smile of his face, but before he can even do that, Lucifer is already behind him, whispering in his ear:

"_Don't be mad at me, Dean's the one who left you. Don't worry I'm not going anywhere, I'll never leave you, Casie!" _ Cas tries to grip Lucifer again but he misses him. For a moment he notices Dean sitting next to his ward door, but he quickly morphs into Lucifer. Castiel can never be sure if that's Dean or not. He's too afraid to look at him, because he couldn't take the pain which would pierce him, if that was only one of Lucifer's pranks. Cas falls back to bed with tiers in his eyes, staining his beautiful and pale cheeks.

"_Oh come on don't be such a drama queen! I'm only saying what you already know."_ Cas feels his heart tightening, a sob coming from his mouth when he says:

"_You were right. Dean never came back for me."_ He spots that the projection of Dean, which was sitting at the door, stands up and walks away before he closes his eyes. Just before Cas goes numb again, he murmurs:

"_He never came back for me"_


End file.
